Conflict Resolution Skills Needed
It is common to have disputes and disagreements at your workplace or home. Despite its cause, there are some methods which we can use to overcome the situation in a much more constructive and efficient way which may help you strengthen your relationships.
What is the conflict?
Conflicts in a relationship are typical. Consider two people, they may agree on some particular issues, but they can't agree on everything for their entire lives. The only possible method to overcome this is to resolve conflict and never be afraid of them. If we consider and treat conflicts more maturely or respectfully, we can continue the relation happily for a long. At the same time, if the mismanagement of a situation happens at any stage, the chance of harm to a relationship is more significant. Irrespective of relationship, place, mode, etc., by learning some tricks, you may overcome conflicts and resolve them quickly; through this, we can develop a well-bonded relationship.
Conflict and disagreement cannot be considered equal. In the case mentioned above, maybe someone or both the parties put forward a threat. There are situations where the threat is not at all-natural.
These conflicts make the relationship worse and worse. The above threat affects well-being and will continue to haunt us until the issue is solved.
Approaching conflicts affect our perceptions. We will not have an objective calculation of the situation. These perceptions are usually derived from the experiences we have had in our past.
Triggering stronger emotions. If we cannot manage a situation and react immaturely, we can't resolve the issue successfully.
Building trust by resolving conflict. This may help you with personal growth. Once you resolve a problem, the trust in yourself deepens. This will boost the chances of your survival in the future.
Causes of conflict in a relationship
In most cases, the difference is the crucial factor for conflicts. The first stage begins when we disagree with others' ideas, perceptions, motivations, etc. In some cases, the reason behind the conflict may be trivial, but that trivial incident may trigger a more significant issue. Stronger feelings may develop, and deep personal bonds may be created. The need for intimacy and closeness may develop in this stage. These feelings develop for understanding themselves that they are safe.
The situation can be easily explained by taking a toddler and a parent as an example. A toddler may need to cross the road or venture towards the edge of a room. These needs arise because of the urge for exploration. In the meantime, a parent would like to stop him because of the child's safety. These can be only achieved by limiting the needs of the toddler. In this particular situation, conflicts start.
The important thing in a relationship is the needs that everyone possesses. This reflects in the long term relationship. At the same time, everybody deserves or expects consideration or respect. If you can't understand your partner or friend, this may lead to arguments, distance, breakups, etc., in the case of a working atmosphere; conflicts can reduce profits, a broken deal, or even job loss.
The only method to overcome conflicts is through understanding and compassion. You have re-examined every situation and try to rectify a mistake from our side. This may reflect in team-building, problem-solving, etc.
Responding to conflicts is essential. Never fear those moments and never try to avoid them. Sometimes our attitude towards conflict arises from the experience we have in our past; it may be due to childhood memories or due to the previous relationship. So, you may think that every conflict will end badly, and it is humiliating, demoralizing, etc., you may even feel it is something to be afraid of. If your previous experience is traumatic, resolving conflicts will become much worse.
In most cases, it is hard to overcome conflicts if you are afraid of them. If you enter into a situation, you may feel threatened and not deal with it healthily. Mostly, you will shout or end up the conversation.
What are the healthy and unhealthy methods for resolving conflicts?
1. Showing disability to understand essential things which matter to the opposite person
2. Angry, explosive, hurtful type of emotions
3. Flow of feelings like isolation, rejection, and shaming through lack of expressing love.
4. Non-compromising attitude, or not understanding the partner's side
5.Fearing conflicts and avoiding the situation.
1. Empathizing with the partner. We should have the capacity to do things from their perspective
2. Respectful, calm and non-offensive reactions
3. Willingness to forgive. Never hold past emotions and carry them to the future.
4. Ability to avoid punishing and seeking compromise.
5. A healthy thought about conflict may help in resolving it soon
Conflict resolution, stress, and emotions
Strong emotions can cause hurt feelings, discomfort, or disappointment. Conflicts trigger these kinds of emotions. So if the situation is mishandled, it can cause breakups or resentments in future. At the same time, if we can resolve the conflict, it will help us make the relationship closer or more bonded. We can also build trust by resolving conflict.
If your emotions are not controlled, or you can't handle different emotions simultaneously, it will be difficult for you to resolve conflicts. You will not even understand your feelings; you will also have difficulty communicating with others and cannot express your real feelings. It can be explained by considering couples as an example; while they might argue on some petty topics like hanging wet towels or something else, the actual problem lies somewhere else.
Most of the time, it is not easy to solve problems and conflicts quickly. It requires practice and skills, and you have to pay attention to the conflicts while staying calm. Calmness can help you in interpreting the cues, both verbal and non-verbal, from the other side.
Emotions are the primary suspects
Emotions are the primary suspects which lead to conflicts in most cases. Putting a tab on your emotional overflows and behavioural issues can help in making rational decisions. If you can implement this successfully, you will not feel the urge to force others to align with your point of view.
While focusing on your communication, what you miss most of the time is not listening properly. You have to pay attention to the feelings and words that come from the other side.
Above all, it is essential to understand that you can't be confined to a single opinion your whole life, and conflict of interest is the rule of survival. To efficiently resolve any issues, you have to cut out the exhibition of disrespect towards others and concentrate on solving the issue faster.
There are two critical things that you need to learn to master the art of problem-solving.
First of all, you need to get relieved of stress and then deal with your emotions. Even though the person is under stress, emotional awareness can help in having a productive conversation.
How to get relieved from stress
The challenges we face can become more and more complicated if we are undergoing a period of tremendous stress. To attain a better balance in your life, it is essential to get resolutions for quick stress relief. Healthy responses in particular situations require stress management skills, which can add to your quality of life.
According to Psychologist Connie Lillas, there are three ways in which people react to situations when they are under stress-
1) Foot on the grass: This is a situation in which the person is overwhelmed by stress.
2) Foot on the brake: It is a sort of withdrawn response where a person feels disconnected and neutral due to stress
3) Foot on both grass and brake: Here, the person will be handling multiple emotions, both freeze and stress together. You may seem helpless but will be in extreme emotional turmoil.
How stress affects conflict resolution
Stress helps us to resolve the problem quickly:-
1. By reading the body language of the other person
2. Being a good listener
3. Being aware of our feelings
4. Understanding the deep-rooted needs of ourselves
5. Communicating the thing deeply with ourselves
Is stress a problem?
We will be stressed without even knowing the thing. Stress can also be a problem for us if we understand stress in the following manner.
1. Feeling of tightness and tensing up of body
2. While breathing, you will not be aware of the stomach and chest
3. When it absorbs our attention and time
Stress can be easily controlled by engaging more than one sense at a time. Those senses can be sight, taste, sound, smell, etc. Stress can also be controlled by movement or travel. There are several ways to overcome stress easily, such as using a stress ball, going for a walk, finding some old photographs, etc. Everyone reacts differently, and similarly, everybody's soothing point will not be the same. To find out which methods come in handy in reducing your stress.
Emotional awareness is the primary method to understand ourselves and even others. If you are unaware of how your mind thinks and reacts or possible ways for effective communication, you won't resolve your issues.
Though this seems simple, this is the most effective method. Some people ignore understanding and submit to their stronger feelings. Your ability to resolve a problem is deeply connected to it. It would help if you were wary of strong emotions and instead should be finding a rational solution to pull you back.
Why emotional awareness is the crucial factor
Emotional awareness can be easily defined as understanding ourselves. The ability in managing our emotions can help us in resolving problems.
This helps in:-
1. What affects or troubles the other person
2. Awareness of ourselves and our troubles.
3. Not losing confidence until the issue is resolved
4. Healthy and clear communication
5. Trying to influence another person
Assessing your level of emotional awareness
To assess the emotional awareness of a person, we can rely on a game. Answer the question of this quiz with rarely, occasionally, often, very often, or almost always. There is no correct answer nor wrong. It will only help us in understanding ourselves better.
Relationship with your emotions
1. Have you ever felt any flow of emotion from one to another, moment to moment?
2. Do your emotions accompany physical sensation too. Do your chest and stomach have reflections of your emotions?
3. Distant emotions like sadness, anger, joy, and fear are reflected in our faces too. Do you experience it regularly?
4. Does your emotions or intense feeling capture your and others attention at the same time?
5. Do your emotions play any crucial role in decision making? Will you consider that?
The emotions mentioned above are most common; if it feels unfamiliar, our emotions are submerged. Try to seek help from experts to overcome the issue.
Nonverbal communication and the process of conflict resolution
Usually, people become incapable of communicating the exact issue through words at the stage of chaos. Body language and other elements of non-verbal communication such as tone, intonation, pace, volume, gestures, and many other things can help to interpret what the person is trying to communicate. It can help build trust, and we can thereby enter into the root cause of the issue.
Understanding another person's non-verbal signs and emotions can take time, and first of all, we need to be aware of our own emotions in the first place to stay on track while communicating with others. Thinking about our body language and selection of words during conflicting situations can help build connections and make sense of people's behaviours. You can keep track of the alternative toned down words you use to mitigate intense emotions. Once you start feeling the tension in a person's conversation with you, you can use a pleasing facial expression, a compassionate touch, and tone down the voice to ease the situation.
Some more things in case you are dealing with conflict
Conflicts can be stressful most of the time, and if someone is trying to get away with conflict without stress, the following tips can hopefully help.
Listen carefully: Listening to others can create a connection between their emotions and your conversations. It makes it easy for you to communicate with others. Listening with compassion can help to reduce stress and helps strengthen communication.
Make resolving conflict your priority.
Rather than winning the fight, it is vital to get the right point of the argument. It is necessary to maintain a healthy relationship and regular communication. It is essential not only to listen but also to listen with respect.
Talk about the present: If someone is thinking of ending a conflict, it is crucial to focus on the problems in the current situation. Focusing on the past can lead to the impairment of a clear vision of the present.
Select which battles to fight: Conflicts can lead to draining of energy, and it is important to pick up the battles you have to fight. The fights that you choose must be worthy of fighting.
Try to be forgiving: It will be difficult to end or resolve a battle if you are not willing to forgive and admit your errors. The hatred that accumulates in life can make it challenging to maintain relationships.
Predict who will stay along: If someone you love is turning into another character, which you cannot adjust to, it is better to let them go. If you see no possible resolution shortly, it will be better to disengage and move on.
When to use humour
Communicating things by covering with humour can help to reduce the stress of conflicting situations. Humour can help resolve conflicts without offending, but it is necessary to make the other person comfortable with your jokes. Sometimes using humour in extreme conflicting situations can tone down the situation's intensity and can put things into perspective. It can turn the conflict into an opportunity to build intimate connections.
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