How to increase self-confidence?

People with high self-esteem and confidence have a magnetic charm of their own. It attracts other individuals and also a multitude of opportunities.

Job seekers with high self-confidence have a higher chance of achieving their desired positions. Leaders with self-confidence have a higher rate of executing their plans effectively than those without. Self-confidence is important in personal relationships as it helps people form healthier, stronger bonds with their close ones. What does it mean to be self-confident? Fundamentally, it is an abstract perception. Creating a sense of respect, trust, and courage for one’s abilities can positively impact their moods, thoughts, and behaviour. This, in turn, can drastically improve the odds for favourable outcomes in all walks of the individual’s life. The true form of confidence goes beyond what one does and what one knows. When people increase self-confidence, based on who they are and where they are, they build something unbreakable by others.

The importance of Self-confidence

Insecurity can make people feel stagnant- in their profession, relationships, and other situations. The reason behind this is a notion of incapability and powerlessness. On top of all this, insecurity gets worse with time. Hence, it is necessary to halt its vicious cycle.

The word ‘confidence’ can be traced back to the Latin word confido, which means “to trust”. In that case, self-confidence can be understood as the ‘trust in oneself. A person with confidence and trust in oneself can leap forward in their life by taking up new challenges and indulging in fresh challenges. Such confidence is preserved and nourished by itself; as one trusts their abilities more and more, their willingness to attempt unfamiliar adventures improves dramatically. And it is the primary answer to the question, “ how to increase self-confidence?”

Obstacles to growing self-confidence

Hard work, patience, and practice are crucial for mastering any skill; learning the skill of being self-confident requires the same. In the journey of growing as a self-confident individual, one may face some of these obstacles:

• Fear
• Unrealistic goals
• Inertia
• Learned helplessness
• Isolation
• Blame
• Toxic relationships
• Clutter
• Perfectionism

However, there is promising news: Every individual can overcome these obstacles and learn to increase self-confidence.

10 Methods to improve self-confidence 

It does not matter whether one is an expert or a fresher, a professional sportsperson, or a new admission to the gym; every individual can adopt a few methods to improve their confidence. When a person attempts to increase their confidence level, it positively influences all aspects of their life.

The following are some ways to increase self-confidence:

1. Finish off a challenge set for oneself:

 A method to boost a person’s morale is finishing a quest or a challenge they have never completed- or even tried their hands on. They can be something such as paragliding or zip-lining- despite having a fear of heights. It can be any activity one desired to perform but couldn’t- out of fear. Accomplishing tasks of such nature can increase confidence level because it involves testing one’s abilities and proving to themselves. It strengthens the belief that one can do it if one puts their mind to something and works for it. The challenge need not be as adventurous as paragliding or zip-lining; it can be any activity one has yearned to do. It can include seemingly minor but difficult accomplishments such as saving money to travel or buy something or changing diet from processed to natural alternatives.

2. Put across firm requests: 

Those with low self-esteem and confidence often hide their needs from others. Most people find it difficult to make requests because they believe it gives an impression of weakness and vulnerability. However, people who can put across requests when needed possess a great deal of strength and confidence. Successful individuals often put across firm requests.

An effort to make such requests can be a constructive strategy to increase self-confidence. A simple method is to make an uncomplicated request to a person who would give a positive response to it. Gradually, one can make stronger requests to others as required. Continuing this process until a change of attitude is observed in oneself can dramatically improve their confidence in expressing their needs. It does not matter whether one gets a positive or negative response; the practice and process of improving the ability to express one’s needs clearly and firmly are what matters.

3. Respond with a “yes” or a “no”: 

Leaving one’s comfort zone opens new experiences, builds neural pathways, and inspires new conversations. Accepting an invitation to a party with many strangers or agreeing to volunteer for a neighbour committee can result in positive impacts.

For individuals who tend to please everyone by agreeing to everything, everyone else asks them to do, saying “no” becomes important. Saying the word “no” when required can dramatically affect the person’s attitude towards themselves and others and increase self-confidence. Instead of saying “yes” to everything, such people can try saying “no” at least every other week to begin with. This might seem challenging, but it would have a tremendous effect! 

4. Stop pointing fingers:

 In a situation where something is unanticipated, some people blame others- or themselves. Instead of being on the jury of who caused the trouble, one has to focus on the situation or task. Also, analyzing the situation will let one learn from the mistakes committed and not commit them again in similar situations. By refraining from the act of blaming, one can empower themselves to search for solutions. Gradually, this skill will drastically improve one’s self-assurance.

5. Give up trying to control:

 Every individual is the master of their actions, thoughts, moods, and perspectives. However, no one can control other people, circumstances, or events. Forming spiritual confidence lets one give up the constant attempts to control everything that comes across them. The main reason behind the tendency to control is the thought that they would end up in undesirable situations. This mistrust can make people get stuck at junctures and limit them from making decisions. Suppose one persists in doubting their ability to land a job. In that case, they might not write or modify their resumè. This may lead to a lack of productivity and a further drop in confidence. Lack of hope and mistrust in one’s skills and abilities can prevent one from accepting reality. Not being hopeful and fixation on uncertainty might create unwanted pain and negativity.

Some individuals find it necessary to achieve perfection in any action they undertake. This could be because of an “analysis paralysis” state of mind. The reason behind such a tendency is the constant desire to have everything predictable and precise- as projected, before taking a step further. Giving up the controlling mindset will be a difficult task for such people. But for them, if one could achieve it, it would be much sweeter than others.

6. Communicate by using powerful language: 

In all situations, whether talking to oneself or others, choosing words that carry a firm attitude and strength can do wonders. A person’s confidence is reflected in their daily language. Hence, powerful language can positively influence their ability to tackle the obstacles they encounter. Choosing words can improve the ability to express and understand oneself- which would improve a person’s morale.

Following are some examples:

• While stating intentions, try using declarative verbs. Instead of using ‘could’ in situations that one strongly desires and plans to do a particular action, they can use ‘will’, which is more assuring and confidence-boosting.
• Instead of asking oneself- “Why cannot I….?” they can try asking, “How should I…?”
• Avoid minimizing words (feel or) that weaken the sentences. (“We are running out of food” sounds more confident and direct than “I feel like we might be running out of food.”)
• Avoid finishing sentences with a rhetorical question: “We have to boil some water” sounds stronger than “We have to boil some water, right?”
• Whether in interviews, public orations, or a face-to-face conversation, avoid using sounds such as “umm”, “ah”, “uh”, etc., as fillers. Instead, pausing to collect the thoughts sounds more confident and makes one feel more confident.

Language isn’t merely about choosing the right words. From a somatic perspective, everyday communication involves hand gestures, facial expressions, tone, and posture. Individuals can practice changing their stance, posture, and gait to improve their confidence.

7. Maintain order and avoid clutter:

 Disorder and chaos can cause lethargy and drain their essential positive energy. This wears them out and demotivates them from moving forward. Organizing one’s surroundings can seem like an arduous task. However, it can dramatically improve one’s outlook on their professional and personal life. Getting rid of one’s clutter usually involves making many seemingly menial but strong resolutions that will push them forward in other walks of life.

8. Not hesitating to take action: 

A state of inertia can diminish one’s self-confidence. This lessening in confidence can make one feel powerless to override inertia. Thus one tends to feel continuous stagnancy- be it in the case of a toxic relationship or an unsatisfying job. Such sort of unpleasant situations forms vicious cycles that are difficult to break. But taking a step forward can alter such situations- doing what feels right and listening to one’s mind plays important roles in such situations.

Doubting one’s efficacy is the major reason for the tendency to procrastinate. People usually label procrastinators as lazy individuals-. In contrast, the constant aversion toward taking action stems from distrusting one’s abilities. When an individual takes action, they deflate their inner cynic, resulting in a rise in self-assurance.

9. Understanding one’s accountability:

 Being accountable means doing what one has agreed to do- be it a promise made to oneself. In the case of accountability, shortcuts do not exist. Showing honour to commitments and fulfilling promises requires impeccability as the prime objective. Such an attitude can lift one’s self-confidence, thereby dramatically improving chances for positive results in their professional and personal life.

10. Recognize the growth:

 While taking measures to increase self-confidence, it is crucial to stop and look at oneself and notice the changes they have undergone. When an individual attempts to measure their confidence based on the person they’ve become, they learn to acknowledge their unique qualities and gifts. One has to own their qualities instead of comparing themselves to their neighbour, colleague, or sibling. Gradually, suppose the individual keeps up their practice of being authentic to themselves. In that case, it will flourish in their personality and give way to a form of wholesome and real self-confidence.