Contentment: The Path To Inner Peace

The Uncharted Path to Contentment: Finding Light in Mental Shadows

A lengthy, personal exploration spanning three decades into the heart of joy revealed an outcome far removed from initial expectations. This journey navigated the complex terrains of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and profound despondency, charting a determined course towards achieving a balanced existence. These experiences uncovered a more substantial understanding of genuine contentment. This insight proves relevant not only for individuals wrestling with acute psychological afflictions but also for anyone seeking a simple boost to their everyday spirits. Many discover that the conventional markers of a happy life do not always align with a true sense of inner peace or fulfilment. The search often begins with questioning ingrained beliefs.

An internal shift, significant and forceful, made its presence known around two years prior. Strolling with a cherished companion along the eastern stretch of Curragh beach, a coastal area in Ardmore, County Waterford, which had been a place of enduring solace since childhood, a moment of clarity arrived. They paused where a river meets Ardmore Bay. The diverse sounds of the water – the river's brisk current, the waves breaking against the land – created a symphony of nature. Abruptly, the air stirred with the wingbeats of numerous birds. Soaring above the cliff, a group of Brent geese ascended skyward on the wind. A feeling of lightness, coupled with immense gratitude, prompted spontaneous laughter. This was an unfamiliar, wonderful sensation. Echoing Milan Kundera, the novelist, a profound sense of fundamental ease permeated this experience.

Deconstructing "Blue Monday" and the Reality of Persistent Sadness

The memory of that uplifting coastal moment resurfaced recently, prompting thoughts regarding the "Blue Monday" notion. This January day often earns the label of the year's most depressing. However, individuals familiar with significant depression or post-traumatic stress disorder understand that sadness does not conform to a calendar. It can emerge when the day is at its brightest, in the most appealing location, leaving the mind feeling trapped in an emotional permafrost.

The concept of Blue Monday, first publicised in 2005 by UK travel company Sky Travel using a formula attributed to Dr Cliff Arnall, has faced considerable criticism for its lack of scientific basis. Mental health charities like Samaritans argue it trivialises the genuine struggles of those with continuous psychological difficulties, suggesting it is a harmful marketing ploy rather than a reflection of psychological reality. True emotional distress is not a fleeting, date-specific occurrence; it frequently manifests as a persistent companion, irrespective of external circumstances or popular cultural narratives.

Confronting Decades of Inner Turmoil and the Scars of Trauma

A short while before the encounter with the geese, an emergence from a period of acute emotional distress occurred in March 2023. The feeling was akin to enduring many challenging rounds against a formidable opponent, where the adversary was oneself. This internal battle had raged for many years. Multiple hospitalisations marked these periods, a pattern beginning in the initial years of the 1990s. A relentless struggle against disgrace, apprehension, fury, and denial – all antithetical to joy – defined this time. Sombre, intensely frightening days were common. Even at the height of summer, life felt barren.

Nights often brought awakenings saturated in perspiration, leading to circular, obsessive thinking as disturbing dreams bled into the morning. Adding a journey away from alcohol dependence towards the decade's close provides a fuller picture of extensive research into profound spiritual desolation. By the point of the 2023 collapse, any hope for happiness had faded; a small measure of mental calm would have sufficed. In 2019, profound difficulties with PTSD led to stepping back from a role as Africa Editor for the BBC, a position held with great commitment.

Image Credit - BBC

The Weight of Diagnosis: Understanding PTSD, Depression, and Addiction

Doctors first provided a PTSD diagnosis in 2008. This determination stemmed from multiple traumatic experiences encountered during work as a correspondent in war zones. It also had roots in childhood circumstances within a household fractured by issues with alcohol. Deep sadness and pervasive worry were significant components of this condition. A reliance on alcohol also played a major part. The thrilling dynamism, deep fellowship, and strong feeling of mission found in reporting conflict provided a temporary escape.

However, this could not indefinitely mask the underlying issues. Childhood trauma, such as that experienced in a home environment disrupted by alcoholism, can have long-lasting impacts on adult mental health, increasing vulnerability to conditions such as PTSD, deep sadness, and anxiety-related disorders. Studies show individuals with histories of childhood maltreatment face a significantly higher risk of adult depression. The interplay between these conditions often creates a complex web of psychological distress that requires comprehensive understanding and treatment. Professionals recognise the frequent co-occurrence of these disorders.

The Role of Professional Intervention: Therapies and Medication in Healing

A particular medical determination requires particular forms of help. With PTSD, a varied approach combining several therapies proved greatly beneficial. The solidarity of other individuals who had navigated comparable life events also provided crucial support. Medication helped to ease the acute physical manifestations of anxiety and a state of heightened alertness. For instance, a plate slipping from grasp or the sudden noise of a vehicle backfiring possessed the power to trigger a pale, quivering, sweat-drenched individual in seconds.

Terrible nightmares frequently caused violent movement during sleep. Various therapeutic approaches exist for PTSD, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). These therapies aim to help individuals process traumatic memories and develop coping mechanisms. Medication, often selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), can manage symptoms like anxiety and deep sadness, making therapy more effective. It is important to understand that strategies which aid one individual may not be effective for every other person. Tailored treatment plans are essential.

Acknowledging Privilege and Confronting Systemic Mental Healthcare Failures

Having the means to obtain the highest caliber of medical attention is an advantage. Many in society lack such opportunities. The British Medical Association (BMA) previously indicated that in excess of one million people found themselves on waiting lists for mental health treatment. Current NHS figures continue to show immense pressure; at the end of June 2024, around 1.94 million people in England were in contact with psychological support services, and over 416,000 new referrals occurred in that month alone.

The demand for services often outstrips capacity, leading to long waiting times that can exacerbate conditions. Factors like underfunding and workforce shortages contribute to this crisis. Recognising the multitude of societal, financial, and cultural elements that exert considerable influence on any person's capacity to attain a sense of joy is also vital. These societal failings underscore the urgent need for systemic reform and increased investment in mental healthcare to ensure equitable access for all who need support. The challenge is significant and requires concerted effort from policymakers and healthcare providers.

The Unequal Distribution of Joy: Societal Influences on Wellbeing

Currently, researchers are conducting ongoing investigations into the potential genetic leanings towards developing despondency and dependency issues. The World Wellbeing Movement (WWM), an organization committed to championing enhanced welfare in commercial enterprises and governmental policy formulation, reports that approximately one person in every eight within Britain exists in a state below what the WWM has termed the "Happiness Poverty Line." This specific metric is calculated utilizing information provided in the yearly summaries from the Office for National Statistics. It is predicated on responses to the inquiry – rated on a numerical range from zero to ten – asking individuals about their overall current life satisfaction.

The WWM characterizes this one-in-eight proportion as genuinely "alarming." They further state that there are "disturbing matters connected to psychological wellness [which] continue to be unaddressed and insufficiently resourced." Recent reports indicate the UK has not yet returned to pre-pandemic wellbeing levels and risks falling further in global happiness rankings. Socio-economic factors, such as income inequality, employment status, and access to education and housing, significantly impact mental wellbeing. Addressing these wider determinants is crucial for improving national happiness levels.

Discovering Contentment: Not a Hidden Formula, but a Way of Seeing

The supposed key to genuine joy, as it turns out, is not some concealed information. It frequently exists plainly visible, existing all around everyone, merely awaiting recognition. Joy, however, is not a perpetual state. It does not represent the inherent, constant condition of human existence, any more than profound sadness or intense anger do. The journey to finding it involves recognising its intermittent nature and understanding that its pursuit is an active process. Many people search for a complex formula or a hidden key. Instead, contentment often lies in appreciating the simple, readily available aspects of life. This realisation can shift the focus from an elusive grand prize to the smaller, consistent sources of joy that are often overlooked in the rush of daily existence. True contentment involves a change in perspective.

Image Credit - BBC

Resisting "Toxic Positivity" and Honouring Every Emotion

Whitney Goodman, a psychotherapist from America and the writer of 'Toxic Positivity: How to embrace every emotion in a happy-obsessed world', offers a critical perspective. Goodman suggests that, in her estimation, any individual overly focused on making someone else feel ceaselessly cheerful is essentially promoting a fraudulent notion. This idea, she argues, lacks logical foundation and simply does not yield results. Goodman further opines that advising people to just achieve a happy state or to attempt to generate different mental constructs would surely have proven effective by this point if there were any truth to it. Toxic positivity can invalidate genuine feelings of sadness, grief, or anxiety, creating pressure to suppress these natural human emotions. Embracing a full spectrum of emotions, rather than striving for constant happiness, is a more realistic and healthy approach to psychological wellbeing. This allows for authentic emotional processing and resilience building.

The Futile Search for an Instant Fix and the Depth of Loneliness

Numerous years were dedicated to attending sessions with therapists. At certain junctures, while gazing outward from the windows of psychiatric care facilities, a hope for an impeccable remedy persisted – something that could restore a troubled mind and deeply wounded spirit. A profound sense of isolation became the most prominent attribute of these psychological health struggles. A deep delve within his own being only to discover nothing there that merited affection or respect. A door effectively sealed him off from others. The expectation of a sudden, illuminating burst of insight, an instant panacea, often accompanies deep distress. However, healing and the discovery of peace are typically gradual processes. The profound isolation that can accompany mental health struggles often intensifies the suffering. This makes reaching out and connecting with others, however difficult, a vital step towards recovery.

Rethinking Work: Beyond Addiction to Meaningful Engagement

If one element prompted the most significant positive change—after stability had been achieved through medical and therapeutic care—it unquestionably was, and will perpetually remain, meaningful engagement in activity. This was not the kind of professional endeavor that consistently propelled a near-total state of depletion through the relentless pursuit of exclusive news items and prestigious accolades, all so critical to a fragile sense of self. An observation for all individuals who seek their sense of worth primarily through their occupations: the person compulsively driven by work is, by far, the most socially sanctioned figure of dependency. Indeed, such men and women frequently receive commendation. One might reasonably ask why anyone would endeavor to alter such a pattern when their superiors and the broader community offer applause.

Professional labor, in this sense, constitutes the great, socially permitted form of dependency. The kind of purposeful activity currently under discussion is profoundly different. No one is likely to remark on what a courageous or exceptionally skilled individual someone is for undertaking the genuine labor required for authentic contentment. However, its benefits will be perceived in the way beloved people react, in the profound thankfulness of awakening without an overwhelming feeling of apprehension, and in an enhanced consciousness of the beauty that envelops daily life. Furthermore, it involves the assurance that obligations will be honored and an existence as an individual who not only articulates concern for others but also makes a sincere effort to embody that compassionate stance.

Accepting Life's Uncomfortable Truths: Pain, Change, and Continuous Work

One evening during a 2023 hospital admission for PTSD, viewing a documentary program featuring Phil Stutz, an American psychotherapist, offered profound insights. Stutz articulated three essential truths that individuals grappling with psychological health challenges must come to terms with. These are: that earthly existence can be replete with suffering, that it is inherently full of transformation, and that navigating these realities demands unceasing personal effort. Exhaustion from prolonged suffering felt immense. Despite this, a profound readiness existed to undertake whatever endeavor might be required to discover some measure of mental serenity. The sensation of joy itself emerged at a later stage. These truths, while stark, can be liberating. They shift the focus from seeking a problem-free existence to developing the capacity to navigate inevitable difficulties. This acceptance forms a crucial foundation for building lasting wellbeing. The effort is ongoing, not a one-time fix.

Embracing Simplicity: Gratitude, Poetry, Nature, and Mindfulness

What specific actions followed? Initially, a multitude of straightforward routines were incorporated. Compiling a catalog of items for which genuine appreciation was felt became a morning practice – a personal daily ledger of all the positive elements present. Deliberately increasing the consumption of poetry provided a remarkably calming influence. Lengthy excursions with a canine friend, typically along the banks of the River Thames or through the expansive landscapes of Richmond Park, became regular.

Astonishingly, even the practice of meditation began—a truly remarkable development for a person who had, for most of his life, found it nearly impossible to remain motionless for any period exceeding five minutes. Research supports the benefits of such practices. Gratitude journaling can improve mood and life satisfaction. Mindfulness meditation, involving paying attention to the present moment without judgment, has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. It helps decrease rumination and enhances attentional capacities. These simple acts, consistently practised, began to cultivate an inner calm previously unimaginable.

The Renewal of Domesticity and Finding Joy in Routine Tasks

Visits to the cinema became more frequent. Ordinary household responsibilities took on new significance. This was not a repeat of sporadic, superficial involvement in kitchen tasks from previous times; instead, it encompassed the regular execution of cleaning, doing laundry, preparing meals, and managing financial obligations. To immense surprise and delight, these duties were perfectly manageable. There is a quiet satisfaction in mastering the mundane, in bringing order to one's immediate environment. These routine activities, often dismissed as drudgery, can provide a feeling of competence and grounding. They are small, tangible accomplishments that contribute to an overall feeling of stability and self-efficacy. For someone emerging from a period of intense internal chaos, the predictability and structure of domestic tasks can be profoundly therapeutic. This re-engagement with everyday responsibilities marked a significant step in rebuilding a life.

Reinvesting in Human Bonds: The Power of Connection and Listening

More space in life was consciously created for friendships. Expressing affection for the individuals who held the greatest importance received renewed attention. A significant change involved actively listening in conversations, a shift from a previous tendency perhaps only to expound personal views. Considerable conscious effort went into remaining quiet and receptive when another person wished to articulate a grievance, deliberately choosing not to revert to ingrained defensive postures developed during formative years. Strong social connections are vital for mental health and wellbeing. Research consistently shows that individuals with robust social support networks experience less stress, anxiety, and depression. Meaningful relationships provide a foundation of belonging and security. Active listening and empathetic engagement strengthen these bonds, fostering mutual understanding and support. These interpersonal skills are crucial for navigating the complexities of human relationships and building a resilient social fabric.

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The Generosity Principle: Sharing to Retain and Grow Happiness

Support was proactively offered to other people enduring their own difficulties. Individuals in the process of recovering from addictive behaviors will be familiar with the guiding principle concerning long-term sobriety: to preserve it for oneself, one must generously extend it to others. A similar dynamic, it was found, applies to cultivating joy. The act of supporting others, of sharing one's own journey and insights, can reinforce personal progress and deepen one's own experience of wellbeing. It shifts focus outwards, reducing self-preoccupation and fostering a profound purpose. This reciprocity is a powerful dynamic. Helping others can create a virtuous cycle, where benevolent actions and support not only benefit the recipient but also significantly enrich the giver's life. This principle underscores the interconnectedness of human experience and the profound rewards of altruism.

Kindness as a Pathway: Insights from the World's Happiest Nation

Frank Martela, a philosopher from Finland associated with Aalto University, puts forward the idea of performing benevolent actions as a contributing factor to finding solutions. Finland consistently occupies the premier position on the global ranking known as the World Happiness Report, a distinction it has held for multiple consecutive years. Martela advises individuals to forge connections with other people and, equally importantly, to establish a connection with their own inner selves. He further clarifies that connecting with others can be achieved through nurturing social bonds, engaging in positive actions for fellow human beings, and making valuable contributions either through one's professional endeavors or through small, considerate gestures.

Finland's success is attributed to factors like high levels of trust, freedom, strong social support systems, universal healthcare (including mental health), gender equality, family-friendly policies, and a close connection to nature. Finns value overall life satisfaction and openly share life's challenges, fostering strong social bonds. This culture of care and mutual support is fundamental to their national wellbeing.

Confronting Suppressed Anger: A Friend's Perceptive Guidance

An exceptional, long-term companion, Gordon Duncan, who worked as a therapist specializing in addiction, was the first person to bring to attention the substantial accumulation of internalised anger. Duncan pointed out that this rage was a primary driver for reliance on alcohol and episodes of depression. During the initial weeks of their acquaintance, numerous disagreements occurred, yet over the passage of time, an incredibly close and supportive friendship cultivated. Understanding the root causes of negative emotions is a critical step in addressing them. Suppressed anger, often stemming from past hurts or unresolved conflicts, can manifest in destructive behaviours like substance abuse or contribute to mental health conditions like depression. A trusted friend or therapist can offer invaluable perspectives, helping to identify these hidden emotional drivers and begin the process of healing. This journey often requires courage and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.

The Enduring Wisdom of the Serenity Prayer and a Legacy of Hope

On an occasion when Gordon Duncan was approaching the end of his life within a medical institution, a visit found him in a comatose state. Neither individual subscribed strongly to religious doctrines, yet a particular prayer that held deep meaning for both was softly recited near his ear. This was the widely recognized plea for divine assistance: to be granted the calm acceptance of circumstances beyond one's power to alter, the fortitude to change those elements that are capable of being changed, and the insightful capacity to discern accurately between these two categories.

Uncertainty remains whether dear Gordon was capable of hearing the words at that moment; a suspicion lingers that it was probably not the case. Nevertheless, a particular phrase Gordon Duncan would frequently offer during times of descending despair came vividly to mind. His friend consistently used to reassure, stating with emphasis that a greater reserve of inner resilience existed than was self-acknowledged. This supportive message is now conveyed to all individuals presently enduring mental or emotional pain.

Embracing Impermanence and Cultivating Resilience in an Uncertain World

From personal experience, it is understood that circumstances possess the ability to shift with considerable speed. Absolutely no definitive assurances exist—regarding the attainment of joy or, indeed, anything else in life. This reality, however, is now embraced. Life's inherent unpredictability means that setbacks are inevitable. The key is not to avoid them, but to cultivate resilience – the ability to bounce back from adversity. This involves developing coping strategies, maintaining strong social support networks, practising self-compassion, and finding meaning even in difficult circumstances. The journey towards wellbeing is not a destination but a continuous process of adaptation and growth. Accepting that challenges will arise, and trusting in one's inner strength to meet them, forms the bedrock of a resilient and ultimately more contented life. The work continues, day by day.