Managing Emotions in Public Speaking
Delivering Meaningful Public Speaking Moments
Matt Abrahams, a seasoned communication lecturer, draws on his experience crafting his own father's eulogy to offer insights on speaking with both composure and heart during emotionally charged occasions.
The passing of my father at the age of 91, though not unexpected due to his declining health, hit me hard. The loss of someone so deeply influential in my life was an immense challenge unlike any I'd faced before.
Shortly after his passing, my mother asked if I would deliver the eulogy. As someone who works extensively in communication, it was a logical request. Yet, I couldn't shake a sense of apprehension.
Two main concerns kept me up at night. First and foremost, I yearned to paint a clear and meaningful picture of who my father was as a person. Beyond that, I knew I needed to find a way to speak about him without letting my own grief cloud the message I wanted to share. The focus, after all, needed to be on the life he lived and the legacy he left behind.
This isn't a dilemma exclusive to eulogies. In any situation where emotions run high – impassioned debates, celebratory toasts, presentations on sensitive workplace topics – there's a risk of our feelings momentarily taking control.
Authenticity matters, and there are times when expressing our emotions is vital for connection and impact. However, equally important is our ability to honor the occasion by keeping our intended message front and center.
While working on my father's eulogy, I discovered a two-part strategy that proved invaluable: concentrating on providing a structure for my thoughts, and diligently preparing myself for the emotional impact of delivering them in front of an audience.
The Power of Structure in Public Speaking
Personally, I find structure and frameworks to be immensely helpful in public speaking, whether the presentation is meticulously planned or given on the spot. A well-crafted structure creates a logical flow for your ideas, making them easier to follow for your listeners. It provides a mental roadmap, keeping you on track and preventing important points from being accidentally omitted.
The following three approaches are particularly effective for eulogies and similar tributes:
Chronology-based: This straightforward method involves moving through a timeline of significant life events. It's a classic eulogy format that effectively showcases a person's journey and achievements.
Theme-based: Here, you choose a central concept or quality that stands out about the person, then weave specific memories and milestones around this theme.
Embodiment-based: Perhaps less common but undeniably impactful, this involves channeling the person you're honoring. Imagine speaking in their voice, sharing their unique perspective.
Each method holds its own power. For my father, I chose a theme-based approach. He possessed a distinctive, resonant voice that he used not only for everyday conversation but also to uplift causes he believed in. I focused my eulogy on his use of his voice - both literally and figuratively - throughout his life.
Managing the Emotional Impact of Public Speaking
Of course, composing the eulogy was just the beginning. Delivery brought its own hurdles. Remembering advice from my son's basketball coach, I decided to adopt a practice method focused on mirroring the conditions of the actual event. Rather than rehearsing when I was calm, I'd wait until I was already feeling emotional.
Sometimes, this involved sharing stories about my father with family members – after the laughter and tears subsided, I'd dive into practicing the speech. Other times, I'd relive specific memories with him, letting those feelings carry over into my rehearsal. I even went for runs before practicing, simulating the physical arousal of the eulogy itself.
The day of the funeral, I deliberately arrived at the venue early. This was difficult, as it involved greeting the hearse and taking part in moving my father's casket into the sanctuary. Yet, it ended up being an important part of my preparation. Spending time in his presence brought on a wave of grief but also tender memories and a sense of gratitude. Because I did this before guests started arriving, the space where I would speak felt more familiar and less intimidating. I took note of the ambient sounds – the soft hum of the air conditioning, the way the side door creaked slightly – details that might be distracting later. By immersing myself in the surroundings beforehand, I felt more at ease when it came time to deliver my tribute.
While it was undoubtedly the hardest speech I've ever given, the eulogy turned out well. The focused effort, the clear structure I chose, and my intentional preparation allowed me to speak from the heart while maintaining my composure. Most importantly, the positive feedback I received afterward affirmed that those in attendance gained a deeper appreciation for my father and his remarkable life.
If you ever find yourself in the position of needing to give a speech laden with emotion, I firmly believe that structure and deliberate practice are keys to success. But what if the challenge isn't a eulogy, but another kind of difficult presentation? The same core principles still apply.
Adapting Public Speaking for Difficult Challenges
Let's imagine you're facing a heated debate with a coworker over a controversial project. Passions are running high, and you're worried about your frustration derailing your main points. Or perhaps, you're giving a toast at a friend's wedding, and you're both excited for them and a little wistful that a certain phase of your friendship is changing. In both situations, you want your true feelings to be evident, but you can't let them hijack your carefully planned message.
Structure is your guiding light. Instead of relying on chronology or strictly theme-based organization, a logical argument structure might be more appropriate. Consider these techniques:
Problem-Solution: Begin by clearly outlining the problem or challenge at hand. Then, methodically present your proposed solution, supported by evidence or sound reasoning.
Pros and Cons: This is helpful when weighing a decision with multiple potential outcomes. Objectively list the positives and negatives of each option.
Cause and Effect: If there are clear, predictable consequences linked to a specific course of action, this structure can be very persuasive.
Regardless of the structure you choose, be mindful of your word choice and body language - you want these to align with your core message.
The Importance of Practice in Public Speaking
As with any important speech, practice is essential. Run through your points multiple times, ideally aloud. If possible, get feedback from a trusted friend or colleague – someone who will be both honest and supportive.
Then, take it one step further. Think about the emotions you're likely to experience during the actual presentation – excitement, nervousness, a potential sense of defensiveness. Do what you can to simulate these feelings during your practice sessions. If you're nervous about a coworker's potential interruptions, deliberately include those into your rehearsal. Are you prone to rambling when emotional? Time yourself and strictly cut yourself off if you go over your allotted time. The more closely you can mirror the "real-world" conditions, the better equipped you'll be when the stakes are high.
Speaking in emotionally complex situations isn't easy, but it can absolutely be done effectively. Lean on structure as your guide, practice diligently with your specific challenges in mind, and above all, remember the purpose behind your words.
Sometimes the most difficult talks aren't rooted in negative emotions like grief or anger. Joy, pride, and immense gratitude can be surprisingly tricky to navigate as well. Picture giving a speech at a retirement celebration for a beloved mentor, or a toast at the wedding of a sibling you adore. While these are unquestionably positive occasions, they often involve a complex mix of feelings that can tug at you unexpectedly.
So, how do you approach these situations with both sincerity and composure?
Image Credit - Freepik
Acknowledging Your Emotions in Public Speaking
The first step is to acknowledge what you're truly feeling. Trying to suppress or ignore your emotions rarely works and could end up making them stronger. Instead, find a healthy way to process them beforehand. Perhaps you write a heartfelt letter to the person you're honoring, one that you don't intend to deliver but simply serves as a way to work through your sentiments. Or, you might take a walk to clear your head and allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions before focusing on your speech.
The key is to reach a sense of awareness and acceptance without getting swept away in the moment. Remember, your goal is genuine expression – not emotional overload.
The Power of Stories in Public Speaking
When emotions are swirling, stories act as an anchor. Instead of trying to make abstract declarations – "My boss is the most dedicated person I know" – illustrate those qualities through anecdotes. Talk about a time your mentor stayed late helping you with a tough project, or the extraordinary lengths they went to to secure a promotion you deserved.
Specific stories do more than simply convey information; they resonate with the audience on an emotional level. Additionally, focusing on a single anecdote can help you stay centred if you feel your voice start to waver.
Simplicity and Brevity in Public Speaking
In emotionally charged moments, less is often more. Resist the urge to cram in every little detail or speak for an extended period of time. Your audience is likely to be just as emotional as you – their attention spans might be shorter than usual. Choose your most impactful stories and phrases carefully.
Brevity also helps you practically. Shorter speeches are easier to remember, which gives you one less thing to worry about when your mind might be a little overwhelmed.
The Importance of Self-Care
It might seem out of place in an article about public speaking, but self-care matters greatly. Take care of your basic needs in the lead-up to the talk. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, and eating properly. While these might feel like small things, they have a huge impact on your ability to manage stress and regulate your emotions.
On the day itself, consider relaxation techniques if you're prone to performance anxiety. Deep breathing exercises, visualization, or even some light stretching can make a significant difference.
Be Kind to Yourself
Finally, remember that perfection isn't the goal. Even the most practiced speakers stumble over their words at times, especially in emotionally charged settings. If you momentarily lose your train of thought or your voice cracks, take a deep breath and keep going. Your audience isn't expecting a flawless performance – they want authenticity and heartfelt connection.
Public speaking is a skill that takes time and effort to master. When we add complex emotions into the mix, it becomes even more demanding. However, with a solid structure to guide you, intentional practice tailored to potential challenges, and a healthy dose of self-compassion, you can absolutely deliver a meaningful and impactful presentation.
Some scenarios to Manage Emotions
Let's explore some common scenarios where managing emotions during a presentation can be particularly challenging:
Workplace Presentations: Advocating for a change that faces strong resistance, requesting additional resources when budgets are tight, or even handling difficult performance conversations, all involve potential emotional landmines. These situations demand a firm grasp of the facts alongside empathy and skillful diplomacy.
Celebratory Events: Milestone birthdays, weddings, retirement parties – these should be joyous occasions! Yet, mixed emotions are incredibly common. Weddings often bring up complicated family dynamics, while a mentor's retirement might cause a tinge of sadness even as you genuinely wish them well.
Community Gatherings: Whether speaking at a school board meeting on a divisive issue, addressing your homeowners' association, or giving a commemorative speech at a local event, passionate differences of opinion are almost guaranteed. It's paramount to remain respectful yet assertive when presenting your perspective.
Other Tips to Consider as well
Here are a few additional tips and strategies to consider:
The Power of Visuals: When appropriate, consider incorporating visuals into your presentation. A well-chosen image, graph, or even a short video clip can break up your delivery and give you a moment to regroup if your emotions intensify. Visuals also make your message more memorable for the audience and can even add a touch of lightheartedness in tense situations.
The Pause That Refreshes: Don't be afraid to take deliberate pauses. This helps control your breathing, allows you to compose your thoughts, and gives your audience time to process what you've said. A perfectly timed pause can create a sense of anticipation or powerfully emphasize a key point.
Know When to Delegate: If a topic is particularly sensitive or you're simply too emotionally invested for effective delivery, it's sometimes wiser to delegate the presentation to someone else. Perhaps a colleague with a more neutral stance on the issue would be better suited for a particular workplace discussion. Or, at a family gathering, it might make sense to have multiple people share short tributes rather than placing all the responsibility on one individual.
The Value of Humor: Levity, when introduced sparingly and tastefully, can effectively cut through tension. A humorous anecdote or a self-deprecating remark can ease the atmosphere and remind everyone that you're all human. However, be mindful of the overall tone of the occasion – flippancy would likely be inappropriate during a solemn eulogy or in a debate with high stakes.
Mastering and Recognising Emotions
Ultimately, the ability to speak powerfully under challenging conditions takes practice and a recognition that emotions are valid and inevitable. By combining structure, preparation, and an understanding of the context, you greatly increase your chances of communicating clearly and leaving a lasting impression on your audience.
Speaking in situations where your emotions run high is a daunting prospect for most people. It requires awareness, adaptability, and a willingness to venture outside your comfort zone. Let's recap some of the concepts we've covered:
Structure is Your Friend: When your mind is racing, a clear structure for your presentation becomes your compass. Choose from time-tested formats like chronology-based, theme-based, or more argumentative structures such as problem-solution or cause-and-effect.
Emotions Are Part of It: Don't fight your emotions, rather learn to channel them effectively. Acknowledge your feelings beforehand, and find healthy ways to express and process those emotions before giving your speech.
Practice Makes Progress: Rehearsals are essential, but to really prepare yourself, practice under less-than-ideal conditions. Simulate the physical and emotional state you expect to be in during the real delivery of your presentation.
Self-Care is Crucial: Prior to and on the day of your presentation, prioritize sleep, nutrition, and relaxation techniques. These simple acts create a buffer against stress and allow you to function at your best.
It's Okay to Imperfect: Aim for genuine connection, not polished perfection. Minor slip-ups are unlikely to derail your presentation, and your audience often connects even more strongly when you reveal a touch of vulnerability.
A Final Note of Encouragement
If the mere thought of delivering a eulogy, a controversial work presentation, or a heartfelt toast fills you with a mix of excitement and dread, you're far from alone. These are moments when we're often called upon to express our deepest thoughts and feelings under the watchful eye of others. It's inherently intimidating!
Focus on the reason why you're speaking. Are you honoring a loved one? Advocating for a cause you believe in? Celebrating a milestone for someone you care about? Let that purpose guide your words and actions. Your passion and sincerity will outshine any minor imperfections.
The ability to communicate effectively is empowering, even more so when the topic at hand is emotionally complex. Take a deep breath, rely on the strategies we've discussed, and trust yourself. You have something important to say, and your audience deserves to hear it.
